Embracing Yourself: A Journey Towards Sexual Confidence

It can be so easy to wholeheartedly accept other people and their beautiful bodies but such a struggle to embrace our own.  Learning how to love ourselves is obviously a worthwhile journey for many reasons, but it can be especially helpful for finding confidence and empowerment in the bedroom.

Everyone’s story is different.  Every body has a unique past and our minds are obviously complex places, instilled with messages that we carry with us from childhood.  We don’t profess to have any magical answers to what makes anyone tick.  These are just some tricks that have worked for us in making the shift from self-doubt and criticism towards confidence and empowerment, by coming to loving terms with ourselves and our bodies.

An African American woman is pictured with her arms crossed over the side of the pool with her shoulders up pictured only. Behind her the clear blue water of the pool is visible.

“Being audacious enough to love yourself. Pushing past fear and doubt with positivity.” -  Olakemi

All bodies are individual, unique, diverse, and beautiful in their own way. By working towards self-acceptance, respecting and loving our bodies in all their ‘imperfections’, regardless of shape, size, or perceived flaws, in order to appreciate the inherent beauty and functionality of our bodies, we create a solid foundation for developing self confidence.

A person pictured side on with an orange scarf blowing in the wind and covering their face with an almost setting sun in the background.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -  Theodore Roosevelt.

It’s easy to look at other people and think they have it all.  It’s easy to think that in comparison to someone else you admire or think is attractive, you’re somehow lacking.  But we can never know what’s going on in the life or mind of anyone else; what they’re thinking or feeling, and for the purposes of this project it doesn’t matter! What you need to focus on is celebrating your own individuality and recognizing your own incredible beauty.  You are what matters.  You and your perfect, beautiful body and your magnificent mind.

A curvy woman is pictured wearing a swimsuit in confidence, front on, and with both her arms up to flex her biceps. She is pictured with a bright blue sky behind her.

“Speak to your body in a loving way. It’s the only one you’ve got, it’s your home, and it deserves your respect.” —Iskra Lawrence.

We can work to shed the old stories and beliefs about ourselves - that we’re not pretty enough, that our legs are too short or we have a weird face or whatever.  We can choose to tell ourselves a new story - that we are desirable, that the things that make us different are important and special, that we are beautiful, capable, and clever.

Something I love doing and that I often tell other people to do if they need to feel good, is: put on your favourite music, dance to your favourite song, take your clothes off and look at yourself in the mirror through the eyes of some imaginary person who is deeply, wildly in love with you.  The person who is looking at you thinks you’re perfect.  They think you have the most incredible eyes, the most beautiful skin.  They’re so honoured they get to see you naked.  Do this over and over and one day that gaze will become your own, and the person who is looking at you, so in love with you, will be you.

The first step in loving anyone else is loving yourself.  This is true in life AND in the bedroom.  Once you’re confident in yourself you’ll have the confidence to ask for what you want from others. It does take practice and it’s constant work to challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations and love.  But if anyone can do it, you can. You are wonderful. You are enough.  You are absolutely everything.

Visit our website www.thequietachiever.co.nz for toys to help you love yourself (and others) in a more physical way!


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