Should I Have Sex on the First Date?

If you were to google the most searched queries relating to sex and intimacy it will quickly become apparent that the question of whether to have sex on a first date or not is still on lots of people's minds. While this idea might seem outdated, it is clear that this old adage is still going strong and therefore deserves reflection.

A woman and man lay on a mattress on the floor in an embrace and are covered from shoulders down to their knees in the white sheet.

Deciding whether to have sex on a first date is a personal choice, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are some considerations to help you make an informed decision. Here's our advice for those who are contemplating whether they should have sex on the first date or not:

6 Things To Consider In Deciding If Sex On the 1st Date Is For You

  1. Comfort Level: Assess your own comfort level. Are you both on the same page? Do you feel emotionally and physically ready? Trust your instincts.

  2. Communication: Open communication is crucial. Discuss boundaries, expectations, and desires with your date. Make sure you’re both clear about what you want.

  3. Safety: Consider safety precautions. Use protection to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies. Consent is essential; ensure both parties are willing participants.

  4. Emotional Impact: Understand that sex can create emotional connections. Be prepared for the possibility that it might affect your feelings toward the person.

  5. Long-Term Goals: Think about your long-term goals. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, consider whether sex early on aligns with your intentions. Professor Brian J Willoughby headed a study in 2012 on over ten thousand couples to see if there was any correlation between the length of their relationship and whether they had sex on the first date. Individuals in that study who reported early sexual initiation (having sex on the first date) were less likely to report being in a relationship with that same partner more than two years later. 

  6. Anticipation: The sexual tension and 'longing' that can build with waiting can be a wonderful feeling of excitement. The chemistry of the early days of a relationship create some intense feelings which can bring joy and pleasure to a person which should never be underestimated. It can therefore be good to wait just so that you can enjoy these feelings for as long as possible.


As Claudia Brooker, qualified health and relationship specialist, stated in a recent article in Marie Claire UK:

'The prospect of sex on the first date often sparks a minefield of opinions and overthinking. To put it simply, having sex on the first date does not reflect your entitlement to an exclusive relationship and there should certainly be no sense of shame whatsoever.'


A man and a woman are in a metal post bed in an embrace with smiles on their faces and wrapped up in green sheets with their heads on matching green colored pillows.

Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer. Some people prefer to wait, while others feel comfortable exploring physical intimacy early. Trust yourself and prioritize your well-being. 🌟


This article was compiled by our resident expert and scientist, Ami Reid, CEO of The Quiet Achiever. The Quiet Achiever is New Zealand's women owned and operated sexual wellness store that sells only 100% body-safe toys and tools to women and couples. You can shop their products or learn more here or by following the link below:

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